Saturday, February 15, 2020

Being a mom of a special need child

I've always loved being a mom since I had Apes. His first year and the half I spent at home with him was the best time of my life. I always thought I would relive it when I have my second kid. Then I had my second child. Even though I knew it would be different (since it's a different child and all), I've never thought it would be so different.

O was quiet and content when she was born. Sure she had trouble latching during breastfeeding but I heard it's a common thing with infants and was hardly an indication of any health issues. We did not suspect there was anything wrong until O was past 6 months old and not sitting up. As she met all the growth measurements, I thought she maybe just a tad slow on development and as everyone keeps telling me, every kid grows at their own pace.

Then at the 9 months check up, our pediatrician told me that O had hypotonia - low muscle tone. I had no idea what this meant and had to google to look up what it was. Even after looking it up, it was still not clear what was happening to my child since O didn't have the typical symptoms of hypotonia (listed on the web) but just was not sitting up or crawling.

I then realized the reason that I was able to enjoy so much of my time with Apes was because I had it easy. Even though Apes could be fussy and I was confused most of the time as being a first time mom would be, Apes was easy to raise - he was healthy, independent, and had normal development.

With O, not so much.

O has global developmental delay - that means she has delayed in gross and fine motor skills, cognitive skills and speech. As we are trying to understand the issues and find help, motherhood has became a somewhat a difficult journey full of confusion, guilt, and despair. I went from being an optimistic person to slightly suicidal. I knew there was something wrong with my daughter but getting her help was proven to be challenging. The wait list to have her assessed were long. When the doctors finally saw her, they didn't know what was wrong with her. She is a mystery, they would tell me. The docs may have some theories but nothing definite, and the theories were quite different from one another.

Perhaps it was more difficult for me as I didn't receive a lot of supports from family or friends. My family don't think there is anything wrong with O when I first told them about the delays- she seems so normal, they would tell me. (Then comes criticism: you are being too anxious, she is just growing at her own pace. You should let her be, she seemed so sad when you made her do physical therapies.)  I came to the understanding very quickly that 1) none of my family or friends understand because they have never had similar experiences (hence they are the wrong people to talk to) and 2) my husband and I are the only people that could really care for O - I need to be strong for my child.

I put away my fears and tears and relentlessly pursue help for O - PT, OT, neurologists, EI, developmental specialists, sensory classes, music classes, mommy and baby gym class - whatever I can get my hands on. I accepted that this road is lonely  but my special need child and I can make it.

Being a mom of a special needs child has made me grow into a stronger person - I know now that I will do whatever it takes to support my kids. I still very much enjoy being a mom - it is not just a duty of raising kids but also a journey about love and self growth. I look at my kids everyday in awe and cherish the moments I get to spend with them - whether it is good or bad, I know we are in it together.             

Tuesday, February 5, 2019

Typical Question from Apes 2

Black hole

Typical Question from the Apes

"Have you ever been to a planet where humans are eagles?"

Saturday, January 12, 2019

Quotes from Apes - Imagination Car Race

January 2019

Apes and I are playing imagination car race. He is in a race car and I'm on a motorcycle. Two minutes into the game.

Apes: "Zoom - Zoom! And we are about to go into a haunted house!"
Me: lol ! "Why!?"

Quotes from Apes - Theories on Santa Claus

November 2018

”Mommy, Santa Claus is not real,“ Apes declared.
Me, surprised: "Oh? How do you figured?"
Apes: "Santa Claus is not real because no one can live forever."
Me: "Okay. But how come other kids think he's real?"
Apes: "I don't know. He is either not real or he is a robot. Cuz a person simply cannot fly to all the houses in one night."

- good logic, sir!

Quotes from Apes - Friendship (or lack of)

Sept 2018

Apes experienced betrayal from his friends at the new school. Apes:
"I am a lonely asteroid floating in the galaxy."

Sunday, July 29, 2018

去年的這個時候, 同事姐姐的其中一個雙胞胎因窒息上天堂了.

發生時, 同事的姊姊姊夫正開車出去玩, 留下大兒子和兩個雙胞胎給同事的爸媽看.

爸媽沒留神時, 其中一個雙胞胎的頭卡在大人的床框和床墊中間, 救護車到時以及就不及.

事過幾個月, 同事說他的姊夫因不能承受喪子的打擊, 酗酒用藥又失業, 姊姊每天在家帶小孩覺得措手不及.

人生真的很反覆.