Life is full of disappointments... and love

Today, we came back from our last camping trip of the year.

We went to big basin and I had a fantastic good time.

Sure we had a few expected and unexpected things that happened: we went from a site with too many people to everyone bailed on us; even the last person whom I told Ben repeatedly to be not a flake flaked on us.

Apes was especially disappointed because originally he expected to have at least two of his favorite friends to be on the trip but then none showed up. It also did not help when he tried to make friends with the boys on the neighboring site, one of the boys shoot his toy gun at Apes. When Apes tried to make friends with the girl on the neighboring site, the girl told Apes not to look at her.

Apes has expressed to us how little he liked this trip and how he related these disappointment and social problems on the trip to his problem with this girl from school. He just started at a new school for one week. He misses his friends from the old school and this girl at the new school has been very physical toward Apes.

I am very sad for him as a mom but still love this trip. I love this trip because I love spending time with Ben and Apes, and I love the redwoods. Oh the redwoods, they are just so majestic and graceful. The whole time I was there, I thought about how lucky I was to be there and to be able to enjoy the time with my family. Since this was the fourth camping trip of the year, I was very well prepared. I had just the right amount of food and more blankets than I needed. This was the first time that I was not cold at night and this had made me very happy and satisfied with myself.

Even though I was attempted to glace Apes's disappointments with my joy of being there and joy of being with him, I reminded myself that disappointments are part of life and these were very valuable life lessons for him (I am an asshole in many ways of a mom). I really hope that Apes will one day understand that life is full of disappointments and be able to cherish the love and joy around him.
 

永別了, 咪咪

在獸醫告訴我咪咪得了癌症的一年後, 咪咪走了.


咪咪走了, 走得很安詳, 就像是睡著了一樣.

在咪咪要走前兩個星期, 他越吃越少, 也不太走得動了. 就連壽司貓都不去跟他打架了.

我一度很想帶牠去獸醫那裡, 可是我知道如果一帶他去他就再也回不了家了.

他走路雖然搖搖擺擺, 但是不太像有痛苦, 於是我們決定讓他在家裡在他熟悉的環境跟我們度過最後的時光.

我從咪咪8個星期大時就開始照顧他, 18年了. 他走了, 我的心也像破了個洞, 好傷心好痛.

一直到他走了過後兩個月的今天, 我還是一邊打這篇文章一邊哭.

親愛的咪咪, 我希望你知道我們有多麼愛你, 你不在我很想你, 希望你一路好走.

永別了, 咪咪.